NSFM2012 - Day 8
A bit of an editorial change of pace here on The Snack Blog today. In order to call myself an “Online Snack Journalist,” I should sometimes report on news and events relevant to the snack beat. Well, early this year, it was reported that longtime Chicago snack brand Vitner’s was being sold to the Los Angeles-based snack producer and distributor Snak King. While both parties have assured the public that no substantial changes will be made to their operations or products (just as all parties always do in a merger) I have decided that it may be a good time to shed some more serious light on the occasionally underrated line of snacks that Vitner’s has offered for almost 40 years. So, to honor this historic change in snack distribution, I will feature only Vitner’s products on The Snack Blog for the next week, starting today. Note that my intention will be to introduce you to these snacks rather than use them as a jumping-off point for my trademark musings. However, by NSFM Day 15, I’ll be back to my old format. Thanks for reading.
Featured snack: Vitner’s Baked Corn Pops
Rating: 6 hand-me-down Bulls championship t-shirts
Those of you that read The Snack Blog closely will have detected by now a distinct flavor of anti-elitism. It’s true that I view snacking as a democratic ideal that challenges the tyranny of prescribed meals. It is also true that I hold a certain disdain for the culture of self-congratulatory food obsession that has recently swept our nation.
That is why I really wish - deep in my heart - that I could say that Vitner’s Baked Corn Pops were just as good, or better, than Pirate’s Booty but it is simply not true. I wish I could tell you that the humble hometown hero was better than the flashy foodie favorite. I wish, with all of my being, that I could tell you honestly that in a fight, a bag of chips wearing sunglasses and playing a saxophone could kick the crap out of a skinny pirate with well-groomed facial hair but I can’t. I wish that the brand so rag-tag that a digital image of their product cannot even be found on their website could produce a better and cheaper snack than an outfit that still uses flash animation and sound effects loops on their insufferable tribute to early 2000’s web design but alas dear readers, I cannot.
To paraphrase the great Woody Allen: The taste buds want what they want. I would like this to show that for all my rhetoric about snacks and snacking, I will still report as faithfully and as objectively as possible to you, my readers, what snack tastes best. Unfortunately, all of the middle-class Chicago upbringings in the world cannot change the fact that Pirate’s Booty is lighter and tastier than Vitner’s greasier, slightly styrofoamy Corn Pops. Oh well.